What Worked & What Didn’t (Part 2)
At the beginning of the new year, some people (ya know, like the people who really seem to have their lives together) spend time reflecting on the previous year, maybe evaluating their goals or thinking deep thoughts about how they’ve grown or changed (or barely survived?) over the past year. Me? I just make a quick list of things that worked and didn’t.
Last year, I had a few things that worked FABULOUSLY in 2024. Aaannnd a few things that didn’t. You can see my “Worked!” list HERE.
As for my “Didn’t Work” list… here we go…
Drawer of MVPs
Based on the number of charging cords we have, there’s a good chance there are more people living in this house than I’m aware of…
I’m telling you, it’ doesn’t matter what I do, I absolutely CANNOT find a way to keep up with all our device chargers. We started out letting each person keep up with their own chargers, but that situation deteriorated quickly when the kids kept “borrowing” (AKA stealing) mine because they couldn’t find theirs. (Plus, Pearl kept eating charging cords that the youngest left in random places on the floor. BTW, Pearl’s our dog.) So we decided to keep our MVCs all in one drawer (MVC = Most Valuable Chargers, like as in most often used).
Yes, the cords are now corralled into one drawer, but opening that drawer is like opening a can of pure frustration. You have to sort through the whole bunch to find the one you need; they’re all tangled together; and someone has probably taken the block plug off of yours anyway, so why try? Please tell me I’m not alone on this.
Better yet, please tell me there’s an organizational miracle out there that I just haven’t discovered yet! Either way, SEND HELP!
Candy as Rewards
It’s no secret that kids will do almost anything for free candy, especially at school. A teacher with a bucket of Jolly Ranchers is an instant celebrity. My 8th graders are particularly partial to Starbursts, and I’ve found that by simply placing a bowl of Starbursts at the front of my classroom, even the most apathetic student suddenly becomes motivated. There’s no shame in my game. Candy works wonders, and last year I used it often and unapologetically to bribe reward my students for their academic efforts.
But here’s the problem: it’s impossible to keep candy in my classroom.
Mainly because it gets eaten.
By me.
It doesn’t matter if it’s fun-sized chocolate bars, snack bags of Skittles, or the cheap-O Dum Dum lollypops. If candy is in my room, I eat it.
I tried all kinds of things to remedy this. I moved the candy bowl out of my desk and put it on the top of the bookshelves. Out of sight, out of mind, I thought. Nope. Fail.
I moved the bowl to the locked cabinet in the back corner of my classroom. If it requires unlocking the cabinet, I won’t bother with it, I reasoned. Wrong again. Candy, it turns out, is well worth a walk across the room and a few fumbles with a lock and key.
So this year, I’ve had to find other ways to bribe reward my kids. So far, stickers have been popular but cost prohibitive; random rounds of applause have proved funny but awkward, and promises of “Free Seat Fridays” have fallen flat. Candy seems to be king, but it’s a king I’m unwilling to allow back into my classroom. So if you have any suggestions for motivating middle schoolers, send them my way!
Covering Up the Gray
My grandmother had a full head of white hair in her thirties, and my mom rocks a beautiful salt and pepper mane in her sixties. Graying hair is in my genes. So last year, when Abie kept pointing out my gray hairs, I decided to look into having my hair dyed.
GOOD GOLLY, that’s expensive!! I had NO IDEA! I know many ladies have no qualms about coloring their hair, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It’s not just the money, though. It’s also the principle of the whole thing. As far as colors go, I have no problem with gray. Or with white, for that matter. The trouble comes from the fact that society tells women that gray = old, and old isn’t beautiful. I refuse to submit to that line of thinking. In fact, I’m more comfortable and content with my body now than I’ve ever been (even with my extra fluff, facial wrinkles and gray hair).
Aging is part of life, and it just means our bodies aren’t eternal. So the grayer my hair grows, the closer to Heaven I’m getting. I’m okay with that.
Yelling
Complete transparency here: sometimes I yell at my kids. (Just to clarify, I’m talking about my own kids, not my students.) Sometimes it’s because I’ve said the same thing fifty times and it seems like raising my voice might make them finally listen. Sometimes it’s because they’re extra naughty. Sometimes it’s because I’m extra tired and cranky. A lot of times, it’s because we’re arguing, and I’m trying to prove I’m right. For all kinds of different reasons, I yelled way too much in 2024. And honestly, 99% of the time, yelling results in no noticeable change in my kids’ thoughts or behavior. In fact, all it does is make me feel better and make them mad.
It reminds me of my dad’s friend Jeff, who knows little to no Spanish. On our mission trips to Mexico and Guatemala years ago, Jeff would pretend to speak Spanish by just adding an O to the end of his English words (as in “what’s your name-O?”). When the Spanish-speaking people didn’t understand him, he would just say the same thing, only louder. Over and over again, as if his increased volume would make them suddenly understand his Spanglish. Silliness!
But the same thing applies to yelling and parenting. If I’ve said it fifty times and my kid hasn’t understood or obeyed, then perhaps I need to try another tactic. Saying the same thing louder (and angrier) isn’t going to change things. Yelling isn’t going to make my kid have an instant change of heart or produce perfect behavior. I mean, am I actually expecting my kid to hear me yelling, stop, think, and then say, “Wow. You’re absolutely right, Mom. I’m so sorry for my stupidity and arrogance,” ?
Yeah, right. Not gonna happen.
This year, I plan to yell less. Instead, I’m reminding myself:
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
I don’t have to participate in a power struggle. I’m already in charge.
I don’t think, talk, or act my best when I’m angry.
It is absolutely alright to send a kid (or myself) to another room to calm down and think.
I’m no parenting pro, but so far, so good! (Yes, I know it’s only mid-January. Don’t rain on my parade.) And I’m thankful God is patient with me because I’m still a work in progress.
Negativity
I teach in a smallish middle school, so my fellow teachers and I form a tight-knit tribe. We share each others’ joys and burdens. We laugh together. We cry together. And last year, we complained together. It was a difficult year for several different reasons, and we handled it by griping. Day after day, we seemed to get better and better at picking out the things that weren’t going right (and admittedly, there was plenty to choose from). The more we whined and complained, the more negativity just became our default position and perspective.
At some point in the spring of last year, God hit me over the head with the book of Philippians, and I realized that there is absolutely no good reason for a Jesus-follower to stay in “Gripe and Complain” mode. Yes, sometimes things are difficult. Yes, sometimes crappy things happen that are out of our control. But nothing takes God by surprise. Nothing happens outside of God’s sovereign control.
I also realized that a negative attitude is like a disease. Unchecked, it can take over your mind and rapidly infect others’, too. So mid-2024, I changed course. I started to look for the good and find the positive in the people and situations surrounding me. And if things were just all around bad, I thanked God that they weren’t worse. I started slowly learning what it meant to have the mind of Christ and to take my thoughts captive. The more I avoided negativity and consciously focused on the positive, the more the people around me started to do the same. And slowly our little teacher tribe crawled out of the hole we had dug for ourselves.
Oddly enough, at the end of the 2024 school year, my teacher peers chose me as Teacher of the Year. It was unexpected but wonderful - a very clear “God-wink,” as if God were saying, “stay the course. Focus on the things that are good, true, right, and lovely. Bloom where you are planted, regardless of the soil or weather or weeds. Keep on keeping on.”
I did, and I am.
